Dirty Frank's: Hot Dogs and Booze — A Love Story.

Dirty Frank’s Hot Dog Palace, the newest eatery masterminded by beloved local restaurateur Liz Lessner, isn’t exactly hurting for ink singing its praises. Like Lessner’s other restaurants — Betty’s Fine Food and Spirits, Tip Top Kitchen and Cocktails, and Surly Girl Saloon — the jauntily named hot dog joint has been deservedly lauded by bloggers and independent newspapers since opening in early July. My review will be no less effusive, so one might wonder why I'd bother adding my thoughts to their already impressive list of accolades. For one thing, if there’s even the smallest chance of my introducing this irresistible locale to the yet-uninitiated, my effort is more than worthwhile.

More compellingly, Dirty Frank’s has become important to my group of friends as a fun, reasonably priced hang-out — our meat-centric version of Central Perk, with alcoholic slushes in lieu of lattes — and I would be remiss if I didn’t devote some words to a place we’ve had so many good times. This is a labour of love. That being said, let’s get to it!

Located in Downtown Columbus, Frank’s immediately catches the eye. Its bold yellow-and-red exterior, along with a “Masters of the Universe” sign in the front window (Skeletor promotes specials), promises an establishment that doesn’t take itself too seriously. This theme dutifully continues inside — the walls, too, are violently yellow with red accents, evoking childhood memories of hot dogs with ketchup and mustard.

Vivid though the paint job may be, however, one scarcely notices it behind the artwork covering most of the interior, designed by artist Thom Lessner — Liz’s brother — and dominated by his near-caricature paintings of sports and music stars. (Michael Jackson is featured at least twice, alongside homages to amply coiffed ‘80s metal bands and, my favourite, a bloody portrait of Andrew W.K. à la I Get Wet.)

That innate playfulness is reinforced by the menu, on which can be found several zany appellations for hot dogs (“Timmow,” “True Love Always,” and the choose-it-yourself “Your Wiener”); slushes dedicated to Pee-Wee Herman villains (“The Francis Buxton”); and cocktails named for baseball players (“The Chris Sabo”), iconic (or ironic?) musical stars (“Rick Astley”), and old-school videogames (“Yar’s Revenge”). One of the joys of browsing the offerings here is observing the staff’s whimsy in full, fantastical swing.

Speaking of those offerings, Frank’s lives up to the culinary tradition established by its older siblings — good old-fashioned comfort food, elevated above its pedestrian roots by careful preparation and vibrant ingredients. Each of the dozen-plus dogs (just $3 each!) is served on a Vienna All-Beef frank by default, but that can be substituted for a meatier Jumbo beef dog (add 50c, and well-spent), or a flavorful Polish Sausage or Beef Brat (add 75c). Vegetarians will be happy to note that meat-free versions of all three franks are available, and all but a couple toppings can be made vegetarian or vegan on request.

To be honest, the franks themselves have never been an especial focus of mine here, but they’re steamed to preserve the snap of their natural casings, which is appreciated on a textural level — a mushy frank can ruin a good hot dog. The buns are all poppy-seed, ostensibly in honour of Chicago’s grand hot dog heritage, an unorthodox choice that struck me and my friends as odd at first but doesn’t rankle by any means. In any event, the buns are carefully steamed as well, producing soft, pillowy cocoons for the franks.

Ah, but the toppings! Truly, here lies the genius of Dirty Frank’s. While the standbys are both well-represented and well-executed, a slew of somewhat more exotic options await those with adventurous palates.

First, the oldies-but-goodies. The Chicago, traditionally said to be “dragged through the garden,” is topped with quartered Roma tomatoes, diced onions, sport peppers, sweet relish, a dill pickle spear, mustard and a dash of celery salt. Frank’s is a fine rendition of the classic, with crisp vegetables in a pleasing contrast of flavours and colours. Similarly iconic is the Chili Dog — meaty Coney sauce, mustard, raw onions and sharp cheddar, melding into a messy but delicious mess. Even that Southern favourite, the famed “slaw dog,” can be found here in the Sriracha Slaw Dog, albeit with a nice twist: the creamy, mayonnaise-based coleslaw is adorned with a line of spicy hot sauce, as well as mustard and fresh onions.

Perhaps more interesting, however, are the non-standard toppings. These range from the Nikola — a Greek-inspired dog with yogurt-based tzatziki sauce and a zesty olive-rich relish — to the Classy Lady, topped with cheese sauce and crushed potato chips. Frank’s features a few international flavours, including the Seoul Dog, topped with kimchi, a Korean dish of sour-and-spicy pickled cabbage; and the Hot Bollywood, slathered with an impressively fiery Indian mango chutney. For those looking to enjoy something off the beaten path but not quite ready for chutney or kimchi, look to the Whoa Nellie!, topped with a large hunk of beef brisket — tender and perfectly cooked — and a dollop of barbecue sauce. Or the T-Dog, one of my initial favourites: Sriracha mustard, roasted red peppers, bacon bits and sharp cheddar. Frankly — ha, I made a funny! — you can't go wrong; they have something to please everyone's tastes.

What’s more, they’re always devising new, off-the-menu dogs to tempt the masses; these can be elusive, but are usually announced through the restaurant’s Twitter. My favourite is the Fire on the Rhine, topped with sauerkraut sautéed with garlic and Sriracha, which takes something I love (sauerkraut) and improves on it. Also excellent is the Puff the Magic Dragon — inspired by jalapeño poppers, with julienned jalapeños, cheddar cream cheese and bacon bits — and the Coalminer, with Coney sauce, coleslaw and mustard.

Sadly, I haven’t had a chance to try all of these yet, but I will — the Surly Girl, with gorgonzola, red onions and toasted pecans, sounds especially good — and you should ask for them as well, at the risk of getting a blank stare from your server. They’re worth it.

This isn’t even mentioning the sides, which are somehow substantial, satisfying, and inexpensive ($2 apiece) — those attributes don’t very often coincide, and it should be celebrated when they do. The fries are double-fried to ensure both a crisp outer shell and a fluffy inner texture, and can be ordered with cheese sauce and bacon bits for another $1. (I’ve recently taken to ordering them with Coney sauce and cheese, which is simply amazing.) The tater tots are also respectable, but the onion rings are splendid — their breading fried to a golden brown — and the mac and cheese, served with sport peppers, is both creamy and slightly piquant. I haven’t quite mastered eating the fried leeks, though.

I don’t think I’ve ever visited Frank’s without having some sort of alcoholic beverage, which might say something about me, but also gives you an idea of the range of hooch they serve here — everything from draught and bottled beer to house-invented cocktails to boozy slushes. Among the draught beers, I’ve particularly enjoyed the Bell’s Oberon, a crisp wheat beer; and the Tröegs Troegenator Double Bock, a robust, malty lager that, at 8.25% ABV, has an impressive kick. More fun, perhaps, are the cocktails, including Ride the Lightning, a brisk citrus tipple, and the aforementioned Rick Astley, essentially an alcoholic Arnold Palmer (iced tea and lemonade). My favourites? The two Bloody Mary variants: Bleacher Bum, with habañero-lime juice, and Reign In Blood, which brings hot sauce and Old Bay seasoning into the mix. What can I say? I like spicy, savory drinks. Cocktails run from $3 to $6, as a rule.

During a recent visit, I enjoyed a special treat — Southern Tier “Pumking” Ale, a sweet, pumpkin-spice beer often compared to pumpkin pie in a bottle, with a couple scoops of Honey Vanilla Bean ice cream from local favourite Jeni’s. Being that this is a seasonal offering, it may already be gone, but must be tried when you have the chance.

And then there are the alcoholic slushes. (You can get them without alcohol, but what’s the fun in that?) Frank’s has both lime and cherry slush, and both get used to great effect in 2 Tickets to Paradise, which also has pineapple juice, Malibu and citrus rum. Other highlights include the Chris Sabo — cherry slush with orange vodka — and the Green Monster, which adds tequila, pineapple juice, and a splash of hot sauce to lime slush.

Oh, and did I mention that they have dessert? Freshly prepared, house-made funnel cake (also available as funnel fries) dusted with powdered sugar is especially delicious (it reminds me of going to the fair as a kid), and can be served with a scoop of Jeni’s on top if you’re feeling especially decadent. Keeping with  its characteristic Columbus pride, Frank’s also offers homemade baklava from AnneMarie’s in Clintonville. It’s not common that I find room for dessert after gorging myself on hot dogs and alcohol, but I should try to do so more often.

If it’s possible to capture Dirty Frank’s Hot Dog Palace in short — and I certainly haven’t made much effort to be brief before now — it’s a fun, inexpensive place to grab a hot dog or two, throw back a beer, and hang out with friends. The food is creative, too, and better than seems possible for the prices they charge. What’s more, Liz Lessner and Harold LaRue have made a point of supporting local concerns (Jeni’s, AnneMarie’s, regional breweries, and even Columbus-based bands) throughout their operations — that, in itself, is to be commended. Visit these folks sometime. Who, I ask you, can resist hot dogs and booze?

Dirty Frank's Hot Dog Palace

248 South 4th St. // Columbus, OH 43215

Phone: (614) 824-4673 | Twitter: @DirtyFranksDogs